my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
