i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Randomize
