Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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