You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
i believe in u and ur pee
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
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