Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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