I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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