so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Randomize
