Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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