Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Randomize
