I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
