So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
