no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Couch. On fire.
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