Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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