Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
