my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Can Purell be used as lube?
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
