PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
