i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Randomize
