you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Randomize
