I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
