I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
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