I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
