She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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