My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
