Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Randomize
