Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize