Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Dear god my vagina.
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