so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Randomize
