I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
