How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Randomize
