our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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