Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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