dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Randomize
