I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
