he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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