dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
