I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
