His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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