He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Randomize
