She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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