It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
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