before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
and you said cock pushups were impossible
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Be still, my beating vagina.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Randomize
