so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
