Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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