i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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