so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
