theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
