I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
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