They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I love you. Go after that dick
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
