remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
should my penis look like a turkey
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
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