He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
