I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
I party with great urgency now.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Randomize
