Already got asked if we're dating
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
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I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
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I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
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