On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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