Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
