Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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