I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
