It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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