my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
