Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Randomize
