have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
you win again, gameday.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
In other news, I just burned my penis
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize
