Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
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