You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
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