And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
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