She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Randomize
