I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
The dick lei will go down in squad history
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Randomize
