Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
