Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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