he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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