I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Success! We fucked roommates!
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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