We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
