Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
