He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
