i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize