well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Randomize
