It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
